There are deep wounds, emotional and relational damage, that must be named and tended to. And even as healing comes—and it will come—scars remain. I know, because I carry them.
For me, the first discovery hit like a tsunami. A wall of anger, hurt, and rejection with no way out. That first shock knocked me flat, and when it finally rolled through, it left behind churning seas of emotion, rising and falling with feelings I had no idea how to steer through.
Struggling to hold on to who I knew I was, yet stunned by rejection from the one I loved most.
Truly wanting to forgive, yet left with nothing solid to stand on for trust.
Caught in those waves, tossed from anger to sorrow and back up to fresh fury.
As I’ve shared my own story, I’ve received countless messages from women in this same place crying out for help, and it breaks my heart. So I share my journey, praying that something I learned will help others make it through the storm.
And to offer hope. Years have passed, and God has brought restoration and healing to me and to our marriage. Our relationship may be stronger now than ever—but not without many tears, prayer, brutal honesty, counseling, and big decisions.
If you are in this place, my prayer for you today is that these brief thoughts might be a starting point—a catalyst that moves you toward your own healing.
First, what you are feeling is okay. Face the emotions. Don’t bury them or pretend they aren’t there. Give them to God and ask Him for help and healing that only He can give.
Give yourself time to move past the shock, because next, you have big decisions to make. Ask yourself these questions:
• Are you willing to fight for your marriage? Is this the right decision for you?
• Is your spouse willing to do the same, whatever it takes?
• Can you both commit to complete honesty?
If the answer is yes and you choose to walk this healing road together, there is a long way ahead. There are many steps—safeguarding your media, setting up accountability, and many long, hard conversations. This road has plenty of twists and turns. And if you find yourself walking it without your spouse, you will not be alone! God will never reject you.
Let me encourage you to hold on to these important truths:
Know Who You Are. What has happened—the choices your spouse made—affects you deeply, but it does not change who God says you are or who He created you to be. Know the Word of God and stand on it—fiercely! You are fully loved by God. Lean into His strength when you feel none of your own.
God is asking you to trust in Him—not in man. When trust is broken, remember that God is not a man that He should lie (Numbers 23:19). Trust with your spouse may one day be restored, but whatever happens, you are safe in God’s hands. Put your trust in Him.
Give yourself the grace you need to heal and to make mistakes. No one walks through this perfectly. The wounds I have experienced are healed and the pain has subsided, but when old triggers stir up ugly insecurities, those scars still leak a bit of poison—even years later. We must extend grace to ourselves.
Finally, You will be okay. I know it sounds impossible when your world seems to have exploded, but there is more to you than this. I’m so very sorry you are here. But I know without a doubt that God has good ahead for you. You will get beyond this, and you will experience joy again.
– love, Ginger
