Porn Scars – When a spouse struggles with addiction to pornography…
Ginger Stache

When your spouse is living with an addiction to pornography, the pain is not isolated to them. The ripple effect, or more realistically waves of devastation, wash over you as well. God has declared us to be one flesh, and what one does deeply impacts the other.

There are extensive wounds, emotional and relational damage, to acknowledge and treat. And even as they heal, and they will heal, they leave behind scars. I know because I bear those scars.

For me, when I first discovered the truth, those waves hit more like a tsunami. A wall of anger, hurt, and rejection coming at me with no means of escape. That initial shock knocked me down hard and when it eventually passed through, it left behind stormy seas of rolling emotions, ebbing and flowing with feelings I didn’t know how to navigate.

Struggling to hold onto who I knew I was yet stunned by rejection from the one I loved most.

Genuinely working to forgive but left with no basis for trust.

Caught in those waves, bobbing from anger to sadness and back to new heights of fury.

As I’ve opened up about my own experience, I’ve received countless messages from woman in this same situation crying out for help, and it is nothing short of heartbreaking. So, I share my journey with the prayer that something I learned will help others survive the storm.

And to offer hope. Years have passed and God has brought restoration and healing to me and to our marriage. Our relationship is perhaps stronger now than ever…but not without a lot of tears, prayer, brutal honesty, and counseling. As well as big decisions.

If you find yourself in this situation, my prayer for you today is that the brief thoughts I share here might be a beginning; a catalyst moving you toward your healing.

First, what you are feeling is okay. Deal with the emotions. Don’t shove them down or deny them. Give them to God and ask him for help and healing as only He can give.

Give yourself time to move beyond the shock because next, you have big decisions to make. Ask yourself these questions:
• Are you willing to fight for your marriage? Is this the right decision for you?
• Is your spouse willing to do the same, whatever it takes?
• Can you both commit to complete honesty?

If the answer to these questions is yes and you choose to embark on this journey of healing together, there is a long road ahead. There are many steps to take such as safeguarding your media, establishing accountability, and many long, difficult discussions. This is a road full of twists and turns. And if you find yourself walking this road without your spouse, you will not be alone! God will never reject you.

Allow me to encourage you to keep these important thoughts in mind:

Know Who You Are. This thing that has happened, the choices your spouse has made, impact you deeply, but they do not change who God says you are or created you to be. Know the Word of God and stand on it – fiercely! You are fully loved by God. Lean into His strength when you feel none of your own.

God is asking you to trust in Him – not in man. When trust is broken, remember that God is not a man that he should lie (Numbers 23:19). Trust with your spouse may one day be restored, but no matter what happens, you are safe in God’s hands. Put your trust in Him.

Give yourself the grace you need to heal and to make mistakes. No one walks through this perfectly. The wounds I have experienced are healed and the pain is subsided, but when old triggers bring up nasty insecurities, those scars still ooze out a bit of poison…even years down the road. We must extend grace to ourselves.

Finally, You will be okay. I know, it sounds impossible when your world has seemingly exploded, but there is more to you that this. I’m so very sorry you are here. But I know without a doubt that God has good for you ahead. You will get beyond this, and you will experience joy again.

– love, Ginger

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